Welcome to the home of Papa Smurf

Little Johnny

"LITTLE Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.

She says, "Put that away, Little Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play!"

Little Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with.

Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"

"I wanna play 'Mommy and Daddy,'" Little Johnny whines in reply.

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"

Little Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you're taking a nap."

Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs. Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He puts on his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth.

At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway. His mother raises her head and asks, "What do I do now?

In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says, "Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".

"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

A stranger was seated next to little Tommy on the plane When the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Tommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"Ok" said little Tommy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out A flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you Suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said little Tommy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know crap ?"